


Then Will You Rebel: A Brief Study of the Fours' Rebellions

by polishmyarmor



Category: Card Games - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Numbered Warfare, Pretend History Class, Pretend Term Paper, Rebellion, The history the world never knew it needed or even wanted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 20:36:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5470076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polishmyarmor/pseuds/polishmyarmor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fictional term paper for a fictional history class providing a brief introduction to one of the causes of the Fours' Rebellions against the Royals on the Poker Continent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Then Will You Rebel: A Brief Study of the Fours' Rebellions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [norabombay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/norabombay/gifts).



> This is, perhaps, the strangest thing I've ever written. I hope it's enjoyable in all of its cracky oddness. Happy Yuletide!

Felicia Faro

History 443

Professor Spit

Midterm Paper

 

Then Will You Rebel: A Brief Study of the Fours’ Rebellions

 

“When Twos are beaten into submission, when Threes are bound to cruel masters, when Fours cannot feed their young ones, when Fives cannot find work for their sons—then, oh then, will you rebel?”—Johann Tiger, Union Jack of Clubs

 

            While many histories exist that try to calculate the causes and motivations of the Fours’ Rebellions, many historians agree that the increasingly antagonistic and absolutist policies of card monarchs from all four nations—Clubs, Spades, Hearts, and Diamonds—made these rebellions a near foregone conclusion on the Poker continent.[1] Other causes, of course, differ from region to region and from period to period. For instance, in the ’10 Rebellion of Fours, Hearts and Diamonds suffered greatly from widespread famine in the drought of ’09, which, when coupled with the high taxes on imported grains and the rapidly rising cost of bread, fomented uprisings amongst even the usually more financially stable Fours and Fives. Clubs and Spades, on the other hand, had enough food in ’09, but could not gain the upper hand in their negotiations with the Union Jacks, as they organized laborers into ongoing strikes that crippled their economies. Although this paper cannot encompass all of the many causes for rebellion, it will demonstrate the way that the Kings, Queens, and even Aces of Clubs, Spades, Hearts, and Diamonds contributed to the restrictive environments that led the Fours of all nations to rise up and rebel.

 

            In the build-up to the first of the Rebellions of Fours, Kings and Queens across all the nations fought hard to maintain their authority. Over time, the Numbered had begun to question their supreme authority. They often wondered what right Kings and Queens had to place their worth above an Eight or a Ten or a Two. On whose indisputable authority, they shouted, was an Ace high?[2] The Royals of Hearts and Diamonds attempted to stem the flow of rebellion by organizing great public festivals for the Numbered. As historian Bernard Cribbage put it, “the Royals imagined letting the Numbered get a little wild, act a little high, would make them forget the decades of systematic abuse the Royals perpetrated. It did not.”[3] Instead, as Cribbage shows, rebel leaders used these festivals as a way to organize their followers, and to educate those who remained undecided on their commitment to the cause. Fours and Fives, who in the past had been more financially comfortable than Threes and Twos, often took the leadership role in the rebellion. The festivals, instead of reminding the Numbered of the benevolent largesse of the Royals, instead reminded them of the years of dearth they endured, in the face of the luxury and depravity of the Royals.

 

            When the Royals learned about the coming rebellion, they responded dramatically. Instead of trying to come to terms with the rebels, they organized the military Nines into local policing units. This was an early version of the repressive police forces that would evolve as the rebellions progressed. These groups worked hard to prevent covert rebel groups from meeting, politically rebellious speeches from being heard or made, and incendiary tracts from being published.[4] All of their efforts forced the Numbered rebels down the river, hidden from spying eyes, or so they thought. Although the first Fours’ Rebellion suffered in part because their networks were infiltrated by Nine spies, they only learned from their mistakes and grew stronger. The more the Royals attempted to prevent their rebellions, the more they knew they had to rebel.

 

            In Clubs and Spades, the Royals responded differently because they were dealing with a different situation, but their methods were no less repressive. Like the Royals in Hearts and Diamonds, they initially sought to prevent rebellion by regulating working conditions—or appearing to, at any rate. In both Hearts and Diamonds, the legislation they promulgated was riddled with so many loopholes that most savvy employers found a way to avoid obeying the new laws.[5] While the initial period after the legislation passed was filled with hope, as workers and their Union Jacks waited for the improvements they had been promised, when the improvements never happened, it only increased worker outrage.

 

            In response, the union leaders, the Union Jacks, organized both within and between nations to demand that workers be treated fairly. Yet, in the face of their organizing efforts, the Royals moved to bust the unions and to protect land and factory owners. This led to the Massacre at One-Eyed Jack Hill, as the Queen’s army slaughtered peacefully gathered protesters and striking workers. This, in turn, triggered the second of the Fours’ Rebellions. It was the Fours across the nations that spread the word, high and low, that, as historian Trey Whist put it, “the Royals would never allow the Numbered to lead productive, peaceful, free lives—their concern was only the wealthiest amongst them. They would never undertake the risk of helping ten Fives at the expense of a single Eight.”[6] Although this would not be the last time that the Numbered tried to change the minds of the Royals, it showed the Royals that they were willing to risk their lives to fulfill their chances at a fulfilling life.

 

            As this paper has demonstrated, the harsh and restrictive actions of the Royals only encouraged rebellion, even when their initial goal was to prevent it. Part of this came from a fundamental misunderstanding about the source of the Numbered’s frustrations, what motivated them to revolt in the first place. Another part of this came from their panicked grasping for power when rebellion seemed destined to occur that only added fuel to the fire of disillusionment and disdain of Royals that spread amongst the Numbered. The Royals did not understand, as famous Four rebel Piquet Snap said, “we rebels, we do not hate the Royals, we do not wish them dead nor ill—we just wish for the chance, for once, for it to be true, that you need not be Royal, to be flush—flush with prosperity, opportunity, and hope for a brighter tomorrow!”[7]  That Royal ignorance once led to decades of violence in the years of the Fours’ Rebellions. All members of the four nations can be grateful—they know better now.

 

[1] For more, see: Penelope Penochle, _The Hearts Want What They Want_ (New Jack City, Diamonds: Suicide Kings Publishing); Maurice Gin, _The Day the Diamond King Died_ (Queensland, Hearts: Ace of Publishing); and Ramona Euchre, _Can’t Keep a Good Two Down_ (Earthtown, Spades: Gloria Regina Publishing).

[2] Historians still debate the elite status of Aces as natural or card-made. For more, see: Eustice Gin-Rummy, _Aces High, Aces Low? An Exploration of the Authority and Superiority of Aces_ (Billy, Clubs: One-Eyed Royal Publishing).

[3] Bernard Cribbage, _To Make Merry and Rot: Festivals and the Fours’ Rebellions_ (Kingston, Spades: Old Maid Publishing).

[4] Lawrence Legerdemain, _The Tyranny of Nines_ (Aceville, Clubs: Costly Colours Publishing).

[5] Veronica Brag, _Reformers Unreformed: Labor Laws Leading Up to the Fours’ Rebellions_ (Tierra Alegre, Spades: Nobble Publishing).

[6] Trey Whist, _The Fours’ Rebellions in Context_ (Diamante Hill, Diamonds: Rouennais Publishing).

[7] Piquet Snap, _Cards Against Tyranny_ (Night, Clubs: Pip-Pip Publishing).


End file.
